My Essay

Today, I got back two of the three essays that I gave to my group to revise. I felt like I really said some things that was hard for me to say. I talked about how my brother kind of ruined my family for a few years. The only thing more nerve racking than giving this essay out was getting it back and listening to my group talk to me about it. I was not the only person to write a personal essay, thankfully. This helped me decide to write about what I did.


-LITTLE SPOILER ON MY ESSAY-

At first, I was going to write about the peacefulness of a campsite I once camped out at. I loved the place because of the solitary feeling I got when living there. I loved the fog that always rose in the morning, and the sound of crackling fire, and the lake that I could go swimming or canoeing in. I was going to write a story about what happened up there. I started writing when I noticed that nothing much happened out there. I could describe the place until I reached the word count limit, but there would be no point in that essay. So I started to write a fiction story that could have happened. Inspired by the moth essay that my LA class read earlier this year by Annie Dillard, I decided to write about an animal that I saw. It started with me trying to see through the fog to my canoe, which was not very far away. I ended up keeping this sentence, because I thought it was very descriptive, and there was action involved in it. Then a rustling of a bush caught my attention. I looked, hoping to see what was there, forgetting what I was doing before. The animal did not move at first, but then an owl gave its last hoot before going to sleep. This caused the chipmunk (or bunny, I wasn't sure on this) to jump. I would then follow it, but I started to realize that this didn't sound real at all. If I made it more real by not following it, it would be boring. I decided to emit the fiction.

-MEDIUM SIZED SPOILER ON MY ESSAY-

Instead, I decided to go by my dad's advise. He told me to write about something personal. Maybe how I broke up with my girlfriend a couple weeks ago, or something with Chris (my brother). I decided to write about Chris. I did not delete the old paragraph, though. I served as my attention grabbing introduction. This was also a great opportunity to use metaphors, similes, and personification. I used the camping scene as a constant measure of complete peace and quietness. I ended the paragraph by saying it was the best morning that I had had in a long time. I then used the mention of morning to flow into my next paragraph. Though they connected with the topic of morning, they were in heavy contrast. I told about my normal morning (the worst morning of my life). (I just had a good idea, I would relate this to the movie "Office Space", which should be general knowledge, of when the main character says that every day is the worst day of his life). (But, as I reread and try to find a good place to put that connection, I realize that my negative, quick tempered tone would not persist if I added an allusion). Anyways, I contrast the 100% peace with the 0% peace of my home. I contrast my feelings of love and hate. I use examples that tell just how much I am willing to stay away from Chris. I use examples of how I hate him (so it doesn't sound like I'm annoyed by a little 8 year od brother who wants to play with me) and end the essay with the theme that everyone needs a 'happy place', and that this place can help.

-VERY LARGE SPOILER ON MY ESSAY-

One thing that I hope is noticed in my essay, because I feel it is a very good idea, is that I never said Chris's name. This could easily be revised, and the essay would flow more easily(I wouldn't have to say 'my brother' so many times). But I don't not say his name for privacy. I, as mentioned in my essay so many times, don't care about him or what happens to him. I feel no connection to him. Calling him and alcoholic druggie is perfectly acceptable for me, because it is very true, and he could have changed it if he only let my family help him. I didn't use his name so that he wouldn't be considered as human as you and me. He is just the other alcoholic in my family, not my brother. This helps my point that I don't regard him as my brother anymore.

-EH, I TALK ABOUT MY TITLE-

The title to my essay is "A Still Serenity". The word serenity is one used many times in my therapy class. We actually say a serenity prayer. It goes something like this, "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Basically, having serenity is what people with alcoholics in their families need. They need serenity to accept that their parents/siblings are alcoholics. They need courage to talk to about it. And they need the wisdom to know what to talk about, or if to talk. Going back over this meaning, I realize that through my examples I have become more wise. I learned that fighting Chris does not work. I then stopped doing that.

I just had an idea. Instead of finding your own happy place, I will talk about serenity. It is a much more positive approach and could serve a greater purpose for the reader. I'll get back on how this works, maybe.